Oh, Yahoo Answers... you kill me.

Listening to: John Mellencamp - Jack and Diane (::clap clap::)

Hi-ho.

I have been spending an inordinate amount of time, of late, on Yahoo Answers, providing guidance re: all things tattoos to anyone who asks. It's a hobby, I guess, but I will happily admit that sometimes, I just go there to see who can say the most ridiculous things. There are a lot of very young people out there, somewhere in their mid-teens, who already have tattoos, are begging mom and dad to let them get tattoos, or are going under cover of night to have an unlicensed artist give them diseases... I mean, give them a quality tattoo.

I am in no position to judge the tattooed population, but I do find certain topics uproariously funny.

Appx 90% of the "questions" asked in the tattoo section are along the lines of "Help me find meaningful tattoo ideas, k thanx?!!!1one!"

::sigh:: Because asking a bunch of mysterious strangers with keyboards will magically help you pinpoint your personality based on things like "I lyk lovve and I luv my famuhlie and I wannt dragunz!" How can you help that? A magical tribal butterfly dragon holding a family in his talons?

I came across this gem not long ago:

I want to get a tattoo , not anytime soon though , and i wanted some ideas . I want something unique and colorful or interesting . I'm Irish , a Virgo , love the designs of Ed Hardy , Chanel , Volcom and those kinds of things . I also love Egyptian culture . I want something meaningful , I would love a tattoo of a quote too . thanks (:

At least they were kind enough to give me plenty of options. I posted the following response.

You want something "meaningful," yet you've given us about 10 ideas to work with. If you were to place them all together, you'd end up with a shamrock-crowned virgin goddess, wearing designer sunglasses, who is skateboarding on top of a pyramid, with a banner that says "Love kills slowly".

Narrow it down a little, please, otherwise we have no chance of figuring out what is "meaningful" to you.

Was I cruel?

Nahhh... these are permanent, kiddies.

ARGGGGH!

Listening to: HORRIBLE ANNOYING FIRE ALARM

They're testing the building's fire alarms today.

They have been testing the bloody thing for THREE HOURS.

It is playing in my MIND right now - UGH!

Going to read in the park today. This is intolerable.

Well whoop-dee-shit.

Listening to: Ohio Players - Fire

Maybe I should start wearing a shirt that says "ask me about my hot sex."

::sigh::

I know I'm not a prude, but I really don't care about whatever amazing sexcapades someone may be having. I don't talk about my sex life unless I'm prompted (and am fond of the promptee). It's kind of like watching people, no matter how attractive, making out in public. It's none of my business, and I don't care how great it is, if nobody's asking about it, keep it to yourself, pls.

Besides, nine times out of ten, the person is lying to impress you. No sex is ever as good as you say it is.

A Victory for Hair.

Listening to: Weather Report - Palladium

I got a new haircut this weekend!

Well, to be fair, it was a haircut I've had in my past. Although the last time I wore my hair this short was 6 years ago. I knew I needed a trim at the very least, so on Saturday, I headed over to the Not-Repulsively-Expensive-but-not-Dirt Cheap chain salon and got a smacktabulous haircut.


Frakkin' love it. It's all nice and flattering, and although I am of course incapable of making it look anything close to as good as when it was initially styled, I am very, very happy with how it looks. Of course, the caveat then becomes the fact that I need to get it maintained every six weeks or so. What am I, Baron Von Wealth? ::sigh:: oh well. Time to cut out some unnecessary spending again.

Plus, I went to the Gap and bought very flattering Grown-Up Pants®, that is to say, nice looking khakis. They fit PERFECTLY. I'm amazed and delighted enough to be a size 6 again, but I am even more thrilled than the "ankle" cut is actually the exact right length. It is such a pain in the ass to buy pants when you've got wee stumpy legs.

I made the shrimp scampi thing again last night. I have truly stumbled upon a delicious, delicious treasure. Man, I love shopping at Trader Joes. I did it again yesterday (which was, in retrospect, a mistake; there is room in their parking lot for approximately 10 cars - okay, hyperbole - and there are many many more cars in the city of Philadelphia), picking up even more shrimp and lemon juice for scrumptious eating. I kind of wish I had bought some snack food, but I'm happy with the pseudo-Tofutti-Cuties.

Oh man, I'm good

Listening to: Looking Glass - Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)

I made the most delicious dinner tonight, and it was all frozen :D (I really did cheat by using frozen precooked brown rice, but it is TOO convenient); anyway, I had sort of a scampi thing going on.

Trader Joe's precooked frozen shrimp, sauteed with frozen French green beans in butter, garlic, and lemon juice, and served alongside the aforementioned brown rice. It took roughly 15 minutes to make, and it came out far better than I could've imagined. Only problem now is that I DEFINITELY need to go back to Trader Joe's for shrimp and lemon juice. I love it when I make a dinner that just "works."

Steve's in Colorado Springs right now, visiting his family (there was a mass exodus there: Steve's siblings - 2 of 3, anyway - and then Steve's parents, a couple years ago). His sister's 2-year-old son, Kevin, is obsessed with me. This is because when I visited with Steve in March, we took Kevin out on a walk. Throughout this walk, Steve periodically lifted Kevin over mailboxes, and I periodically flipped him upside down. He LOVED being upside down, and according to Steve, he insists that "on'y Julia, peez" can flip him correctly.

So, since I'm not there with Uncle Steve, Kevin wondered where I was. And today, Kevin was on his play phone for hours, attempting to call me. Finally, Steve just called me and handed kiddo the phone.

So cuuuuute. I've never figured out why little kids love me, but they do. All of Steve's little nephews love me, and it makes me so so happy.

Sundaaaay!

Listening to: Steely Dan - Godwhacker

It's a Sunday of baseball and humidity.

Last night, the Metsies (and Philadelphia) were rained out - bigtime. It was absolutely pouring for about an hour. I put a cup on my (covered) porch, just to check the amount, and amazingly, it hit 1". That's a whole lotta sideways rain, if I must say so. Hell of loud thunder, too, which made the qats very anxious. Meh - they can deal with it. Between all the yakking and pooping on the floor, I think they deserve a little disciplining here and there, even if it's nature that's doing it.

Interview redux with Kaplan tomorrow; gotta take some kind of SAT-like test (it's been "too long" since I last took the SAT... I guess 7 years is a while), chat in an interview, and give ANOTHER sample lesson. Not sure what to talk about this time, although I think I might have a good one on successful Jeopardy! strategies*.

I get social contact tomorrow! My friend Carlos is swinging by and we're doin' some kind of Wii-playing thing, and then, who knows.

Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 has eaten my life. If any of you see anything resembling my soul, please return it soon. I need it. For living.

*I realize I have never ACTUALLY been on Jeopardy!, but I have been through the audition process, where they gave us some insider tips as to how to answer certain categories. "Potent Potables" is about alcoholic beverages, in care you're interested. If the category has a letter in quotation marks, such as "Y" Now?, All the answers will begin with the letter "y", and It's a "sin" will always contain the letters "sin" in the word. Neat trick, eh?

Trains in vain

Listening to: X-Press 2 feat. David Byrne - Lazy

Hooo-ee! so effing hot outside. It's 91 degrees at noon, which means it is actually going to be hotter. Desktop Weather sez: high of 97. Yuck. Why on earth is it so July-esque outside?

Had a very bizarre series of dreams last night, involving what looked to be Butch from Survivor Amazon in a Speedo (I have no idea), a meandering subway station which was allegedly the one I use almost daily (I think I may have actually been to this place in previous dreams), and a "Philadelphia" which resembled an amalgam of Paris and Stockholm. Very, very strange crap. I was perfectly sober last night, so I have no explanation.

My brain hurts.

Happy news on the job front! Kaplan Testing Centers - the people who write those helpful "So You're Taking a Standardized Test" guides - seem to have moved me on to the next stage of their hiring process after I apparently gave a good sample lesson on Saturday (topic: how to tell an interesting personal anecdote). They're lining me up to be a private tutor, which is exactly what I wanted. I am very excited. Another job in a relevant field - thus making education the ONLY field in which I have ever worked - although I shouldn't jinx it because I don't actually have the job yet.

Started writing again. I'm hoping this one will turn out well. The centralized plot lies on what one character suspects to be a love triangle, while a member of the triangle doesn't actually love anyone else in the triangle. It's based on real life, but I am gussying it up a bit by placing it in south Florida and giving it a clever name:

"Approximation of a Chambered Nautilus"

Don't ask. I'm pretty clever about story names sometimes, and sometimes they end up being tremendously silly. One of my best titles to date?

"Bringing Better Diner Efficiency for Tomorrow"

And yet I still hold out hope - some day, I will be published.