Sunday, June 29, 2008

Oh, Yahoo Answers... you kill me.

Listening to: John Mellencamp - Jack and Diane (::clap clap::)


I have been spending an inordinate amount of time, of late, on Yahoo Answers, providing guidance re: all things tattoos to anyone who asks. It's a hobby, I guess, but I will happily admit that sometimes, I just go there to see who can say the most ridiculous things. There are a lot of very young people out there, somewhere in their mid-teens, who already have tattoos, are begging mom and dad to let them get tattoos, or are going under cover of night to have an unlicensed artist give them diseases... I mean, give them a quality tattoo.

I am in no position to judge the tattooed population, but I do find certain topics uproariously funny.

Appx 90% of the "questions" asked in the tattoo section are along the lines of "Help me find meaningful tattoo ideas, k thanx?!!!1one!"

::sigh:: Because asking a bunch of mysterious strangers with keyboards will magically help you pinpoint your personality based on things like "I lyk lovve and I luv my famuhlie and I wannt dragunz!" How can you help that? A magical tribal butterfly dragon holding a family in his talons?

I came across this gem not long ago:

I want to get a tattoo , not anytime soon though , and i wanted some ideas . I want something unique and colorful or interesting . I'm Irish , a Virgo , love the designs of Ed Hardy , Chanel , Volcom and those kinds of things . I also love Egyptian culture . I want something meaningful , I would love a tattoo of a quote too . thanks (:

At least they were kind enough to give me plenty of options. I posted the following response.

You want something "meaningful," yet you've given us about 10 ideas to work with. If you were to place them all together, you'd end up with a shamrock-crowned virgin goddess, wearing designer sunglasses, who is skateboarding on top of a pyramid, with a banner that says "Love kills slowly".

Narrow it down a little, please, otherwise we have no chance of figuring out what is "meaningful" to you.

Was I cruel?

Nahhh... these are permanent, kiddies.

Thursday, June 26, 2008



They're testing the building's fire alarms today.

They have been testing the bloody thing for THREE HOURS.

It is playing in my MIND right now - UGH!

Going to read in the park today. This is intolerable.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Well whoop-dee-shit.

Listening to: Ohio Players - Fire

Maybe I should start wearing a shirt that says "ask me about my hot sex."


I know I'm not a prude, but I really don't care about whatever amazing sexcapades someone may be having. I don't talk about my sex life unless I'm prompted (and am fond of the promptee). It's kind of like watching people, no matter how attractive, making out in public. It's none of my business, and I don't care how great it is, if nobody's asking about it, keep it to yourself, pls.

Besides, nine times out of ten, the person is lying to impress you. No sex is ever as good as you say it is.

Monday, June 23, 2008

A Victory for Hair.

Listening to: Weather Report - Palladium

I got a new haircut this weekend!

Well, to be fair, it was a haircut I've had in my past. Although the last time I wore my hair this short was 6 years ago. I knew I needed a trim at the very least, so on Saturday, I headed over to the Not-Repulsively-Expensive-but-not-Dirt Cheap chain salon and got a smacktabulous haircut.

Frakkin' love it. It's all nice and flattering, and although I am of course incapable of making it look anything close to as good as when it was initially styled, I am very, very happy with how it looks. Of course, the caveat then becomes the fact that I need to get it maintained every six weeks or so. What am I, Baron Von Wealth? ::sigh:: oh well. Time to cut out some unnecessary spending again.

Plus, I went to the Gap and bought very flattering Grown-Up Pants®, that is to say, nice looking khakis. They fit PERFECTLY. I'm amazed and delighted enough to be a size 6 again, but I am even more thrilled than the "ankle" cut is actually the exact right length. It is such a pain in the ass to buy pants when you've got wee stumpy legs.

I made the shrimp scampi thing again last night. I have truly stumbled upon a delicious, delicious treasure. Man, I love shopping at Trader Joes. I did it again yesterday (which was, in retrospect, a mistake; there is room in their parking lot for approximately 10 cars - okay, hyperbole - and there are many many more cars in the city of Philadelphia), picking up even more shrimp and lemon juice for scrumptious eating. I kind of wish I had bought some snack food, but I'm happy with the pseudo-Tofutti-Cuties.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Oh man, I'm good

Listening to: Looking Glass - Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)

I made the most delicious dinner tonight, and it was all frozen :D (I really did cheat by using frozen precooked brown rice, but it is TOO convenient); anyway, I had sort of a scampi thing going on.

Trader Joe's precooked frozen shrimp, sauteed with frozen French green beans in butter, garlic, and lemon juice, and served alongside the aforementioned brown rice. It took roughly 15 minutes to make, and it came out far better than I could've imagined. Only problem now is that I DEFINITELY need to go back to Trader Joe's for shrimp and lemon juice. I love it when I make a dinner that just "works."

Steve's in Colorado Springs right now, visiting his family (there was a mass exodus there: Steve's siblings - 2 of 3, anyway - and then Steve's parents, a couple years ago). His sister's 2-year-old son, Kevin, is obsessed with me. This is because when I visited with Steve in March, we took Kevin out on a walk. Throughout this walk, Steve periodically lifted Kevin over mailboxes, and I periodically flipped him upside down. He LOVED being upside down, and according to Steve, he insists that "on'y Julia, peez" can flip him correctly.

So, since I'm not there with Uncle Steve, Kevin wondered where I was. And today, Kevin was on his play phone for hours, attempting to call me. Finally, Steve just called me and handed kiddo the phone.

So cuuuuute. I've never figured out why little kids love me, but they do. All of Steve's little nephews love me, and it makes me so so happy.

Sunday, June 15, 2008


Listening to: Steely Dan - Godwhacker

It's a Sunday of baseball and humidity.

Last night, the Metsies (and Philadelphia) were rained out - bigtime. It was absolutely pouring for about an hour. I put a cup on my (covered) porch, just to check the amount, and amazingly, it hit 1". That's a whole lotta sideways rain, if I must say so. Hell of loud thunder, too, which made the qats very anxious. Meh - they can deal with it. Between all the yakking and pooping on the floor, I think they deserve a little disciplining here and there, even if it's nature that's doing it.

Interview redux with Kaplan tomorrow; gotta take some kind of SAT-like test (it's been "too long" since I last took the SAT... I guess 7 years is a while), chat in an interview, and give ANOTHER sample lesson. Not sure what to talk about this time, although I think I might have a good one on successful Jeopardy! strategies*.

I get social contact tomorrow! My friend Carlos is swinging by and we're doin' some kind of Wii-playing thing, and then, who knows.

Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 has eaten my life. If any of you see anything resembling my soul, please return it soon. I need it. For living.

*I realize I have never ACTUALLY been on Jeopardy!, but I have been through the audition process, where they gave us some insider tips as to how to answer certain categories. "Potent Potables" is about alcoholic beverages, in care you're interested. If the category has a letter in quotation marks, such as "Y" Now?, All the answers will begin with the letter "y", and It's a "sin" will always contain the letters "sin" in the word. Neat trick, eh?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Trains in vain

Listening to: X-Press 2 feat. David Byrne - Lazy

Hooo-ee! so effing hot outside. It's 91 degrees at noon, which means it is actually going to be hotter. Desktop Weather sez: high of 97. Yuck. Why on earth is it so July-esque outside?

Had a very bizarre series of dreams last night, involving what looked to be Butch from Survivor Amazon in a Speedo (I have no idea), a meandering subway station which was allegedly the one I use almost daily (I think I may have actually been to this place in previous dreams), and a "Philadelphia" which resembled an amalgam of Paris and Stockholm. Very, very strange crap. I was perfectly sober last night, so I have no explanation.

My brain hurts.

Happy news on the job front! Kaplan Testing Centers - the people who write those helpful "So You're Taking a Standardized Test" guides - seem to have moved me on to the next stage of their hiring process after I apparently gave a good sample lesson on Saturday (topic: how to tell an interesting personal anecdote). They're lining me up to be a private tutor, which is exactly what I wanted. I am very excited. Another job in a relevant field - thus making education the ONLY field in which I have ever worked - although I shouldn't jinx it because I don't actually have the job yet.

Started writing again. I'm hoping this one will turn out well. The centralized plot lies on what one character suspects to be a love triangle, while a member of the triangle doesn't actually love anyone else in the triangle. It's based on real life, but I am gussying it up a bit by placing it in south Florida and giving it a clever name:

"Approximation of a Chambered Nautilus"

Don't ask. I'm pretty clever about story names sometimes, and sometimes they end up being tremendously silly. One of my best titles to date?

"Bringing Better Diner Efficiency for Tomorrow"

And yet I still hold out hope - some day, I will be published.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Live from New York...

Listening to: Was (Not Was) - Are You Okay?

At home with the folks until this evening - then I'm takin' one of those super-budget buses to Philly. $6.50! Yow! If only I didn't get bus-sick... ::le sigh:: It's gonna be tricky to sit still and do nothing for a couple hours, particularly while driving through New Jersey at night, but anything that saves me money is a good thing. Particularly when I saw that even in Jersey, gas is over $4 now. In JERSEY.

As usual, in spite of recent spats with the folks, I'm having a lovely visit.

Except it's about 92 outside with ridonkulous humidity. YAY STUPID EAST COAST!

Allegedly, it shall be 99 in Philly tomorrow. I am weeping in advance :(

Plus side, though: time at home means good (free) eats. Mom and dad served those sweet-balsamic marinated strawberries with vanilla ice cream, and it was painfully delicious.

I like Rye. It's fun to look at all the silly enormous houses. I can't fathom the property taxes these folks pay... In the neighborhood where I grew up (I lived in the same house my whole life- my folks still live there), half the houses are worth over 2-3 million. It's completely insane. My parents' awesome house looks downright humble in comparison. And then you notice - wow! a yard! (Those aren't in fashion here). I don't know why. Yards are awesome.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Amusing thing from dad

Listening to: Yes - Roundabout

I was thinking about Helicopter Parents, and then I remembered this thing my dad said once, after a parent-teacher meeting thing at my high school a number of years back.

(regarding the annoying parents)
"It's all like, Oh no! What if little Poindexter has physics and woodshop at the same time? What will he DO?"

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Jersey Girl.

Listening to: America - Sister Golden Hair

I find this jersey completely horrifying, and I do not want to see it on any of my beloved Metropolitans.

THAT is what the National League will be wearing at the All-Game at ::shudder:: Yankee Stadium this summer. In spite of our Shiny New CitiField, which will be ready for play next year, we get to wait until 2011 (I believe that's right... or 2012) to host something that I have always wanted to attend.

Yes, YES, I know the game just isn't fun anymore, since Selig sucked the joy out of the event by making it count. Bud Selig, you are an ass-hat of the highest degree. I just wanted you to know that. But still, the whole pomp and ridiculousness of it is pretty damn fun, especially when your favorite players are doing amazing crap. I refer to David Wright in '06, with that impressive display in the home run derby.

And the Yankees are punishing us by making us wear those.

I hope the Mets unload some seriously gnarly colors on the American League in '11 (or is it '12?) - maybe some kind of glowing orange monstrosity (kinda like those punishment-bad yellow jerseys the NL wore in 2006) with royal blue/white letters, while the NL gets away with black with standard orange/blue/white logos.

Fie! Fie on the Yankees! And fie on the stupid crappy American League! DAMMIT WE WILL OWN YOU WE SWEAR.

But I'd probably want the stupid American League to beat the Phillies. That's the only exemption.

If they ended up facing the Yankees, my head would explode.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Onward, onward

Listening to: No Doubt - Sunday Morning

Another week without income. I swear I shall remedy this problem. My friend Dunc works at a restaurant about a block away from my apartment, and he told me that they have an opening. Needless to say, I shall be pursuing said opening. A job is a job is a job. Even if I have no frakkin' clue how to waitress or anything of that nature. Still, the uniform policy is "wear your clothes," which is something I can get behind, and the folks who eat at the place are about as uptight as I am (well, ok, bad example, but they're not fancypants). could be a good lead. Must fill out application.

Got my insurance quotes done. Having a car in the city is EXPENSIVE.


OUCH. Even the lady from Amica told me she felt sorry for me. But Amica's a great company, and my folks have been with them forever, so I'm gonna stick with 'em, high quote or not. Just means I'll be blasting through my nest-egg a little faster than I'd like. Of course. MUST GET JOB. I've been told that substituting and coaching is a good way to earn some cash, so next year, I think that's what I'll be doing. My education class thus far has not been much of a challenge, so I think I can definitely manage a day-job and take classes at night, once I'm done with my masters. That degree has been tough to get, but I really feel like it's an accomplishment; thusly, it is worthy of my sweat, labor, anger, et al.

My Kaplan interview is this weekend. Aside from issues like determining which is my best business-casual outfit (my weight is lower than before, so dog willing, I shall be able to fit into my old capris), I think I'll be fine. We have to give a 5-minute sample lesson on anything other than academics, so I plan on teaching a basic primer in keeping score for a baseball game. If you're a woman, it makes you appear even sexier. 'Least that's what they tell me.