State of the Waterpark Union - LONG

Listening to: Kenna - Loose Wires

Alrighty... so, birthday weekend recap. That is to say, mostly-birthday recap.

Steve came on Friday night, all prepped for a Saturday of fun and adventure to celebrate my unceremonious turning of the 24.

We had an adventure alright.

Saturday, the birthday in question, involved something I had wanted to do for ages - go to a water park. I think it had been about 13 years or so since I last visited one. I dig waterslides and wave pools, and, hey! Dorney Park is only a little more than an hour away!

In theory.

Leaving at 11am or so, we hit a substantial amount of traffic. Repeatedly. It took us about an hour to get from Philadelphia to 476. It should only take about 15 minutes, maybe. And then we periodically hit more traffic here and there. And I got lost around Pottsville, when I needed to stop and fill the car with gas. Only a 15 minute sidetrack there. Eventually, we arrived at Dorney Park at around 2pm. And then the fun continued!

30 minutes to find a parking spot. THIRTY MINUTES. Wherein my head nearly exploded a million times, due to countless idiots picnicking in the middle of the fucking parking lot, or sitting in a very narrow area which I had to turn through. A whole family, including 5 kids, sat in the turning lane, which meant I had to pull an Austin Powers "back and forth" move in order to squeeze by so I could drive through yet another column of full parking spaces. Is it really that hard to get up and move for like 5 seconds, so as to have the nice person in the blue toaster-car not crush all of your family members' legs at once? IS IT?! ::temper temper::

Eventually, after the Julia's-brain-vein-pulsation ride, I eventually found a parking spot about half a mile from the park entrance. I didn't even care at this point. But I probably should have taken into account that

a) it is the middle of July, and it is 96 degrees outside
b) it is a Saturday
c) this is the only remotely fun place to go in the northern Pennsylvania area
d) the parking lot is completely full.

It was like Hong Kong in the park. Just absolute chaos. After paying the very steep admission price, Steve and I got the privilege of pushing past thousands of people, so as to pay an additional $10 for a teeny tiny locker for my stuffed backpack, and then shove through thousands more to reach any of the aquatic attractions. Bear in mind points a-d.

We waited on line for no less than one hour to get on the lazy river ride. For those of you unfamiliar with water parks, this ride consists of people riding on an inner tube around a circular "river" with a current, going through tunnels and under waterfalls. Mellow and fun as hell. We didn't want to get off - we took three loops around before we decided to get off (we should have stayed on longer - it was super relaxing, and well worth the wait).

After this, we went to the locker so as to pry money out to get drinks (remember: 96 degrees). $3.50 for a bottle of water from a vending machine. I have never seen a drink machine that took Abe Lincolns. Regardless, that was easily the most refreshing water I have ever had, and I slugged it in about 3 minutes. Then, we ventured towards the wave pool.

Mistake. Once again, I was fairly sure we had journeyed into a Hong Kong subway station - thousands of people in and around the pool. When we first arrived at the pool, it was wall-to-wall people. Which I anticipated. What I did not anticipate, however, was the closure of said pool the second we got our feet in it (bonus points for Steve; he braved the whole park barefoot, as I neglected to buy him Aquasox - I'm sorry, honey!). Again, more waiting - about 15 minutes. Finally, after the guards gave the OK, all the people entered the pool, all Bulls-of-Pampalona style. We got as close to the wave-thingies as we could, and enjoyed floating in the eerily murky, probably full of pee water. Finally, the waves came on. Glee! Bliss! Wait... what's that? 2 minutes into the wave cycle, the waves turned off, and everyone was shooed out of the pool. Apparently the pool had "things" in it. Garbage or something. OF COURSE IT DOES! THERE ARE FIVE THOUSAND PEOPLE IN THE RAT-BASTARD POOL. A chorus of boos occurred, and once again, Steve and I were out of the pool.

Finally, Steve suggested we take a ride on the Aqua-Racer slide, one where you ride on one of those smooshy blue foam pads and "race" others to the finish line. Of course, there was a line, but it moved comparatively quickly (20 minutes, I'd say), and the slide was definitely fun. We chatted with some friendly ladies while on line and ended up racing them (Steve won - I blame momentum, plus f=ma, and I lost - I blame a bad start). Finally, it was time to go home. I desperately wanted to get a nice birthday dinner in, so we hustled our way out, not even bothering to change in the park; I ended up changing in my car, which seemed to keep generating people in a 20 foot radius every time I was about to flash a naughty bit. Oh well.

Once out of the park, I got lost again, and that was about a 20 minute detour, but by the time we got on 476 again, it was totally smooth sailing. We were back in Philly by 8pm, with enough time to shower and change, and scoot off to dinner.

Dinner was INCREDIBLE. We went to a nearby southwest fusion place, Mission Grill, and both of us had very, very good food. We both had mojitos (I, a regular, and Steve, a watermelon - he didn't like his), then dined on the following:

1st course:

Fried Cod Tacos (split)

2nd course:

Caesar Salad (he)

Yellow tomato gazpacho with rock shrimp (me)

Main course:

Grilled porkchop with mystery accompaniment (he - Steve was quite fond of said mystery accompaniment - I checked - It was parsnips ^__^)

Escolar with beet carpaccio and corn/tomato salsa (me)

Dessert:

Banana-caramel crepe (he)

Chocolate pot-au-creme (me)

We left stuffed and content.

A good time was had by all.